I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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