i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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