Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
