I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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