It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
