my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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