I never want to see another naked old woman again.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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