I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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