Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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