i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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