wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
