Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
