Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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