kristin has been a bad kristin
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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