glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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