Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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