UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
