I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
