Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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