I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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