yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
