u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize