I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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