You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
All I want is dick and wine.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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