Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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