So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
