Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Blood and glitter go together right?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
