Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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