Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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