Porn is love you can see.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
