Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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