yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
