I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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