I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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