you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
