I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
