$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
