And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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