I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
