i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So apparently I’m into choking now
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
