finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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