Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
