I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
