I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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