tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
