eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
