I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
she looked like the before picture.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
