Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
