He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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