I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize