is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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