i permit you to call me
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I love you. Go after that dick
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
