some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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