our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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