I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize