just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
