"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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