i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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