I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
