: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
