I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize