Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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